What to read when you are depressed


People make it a habit to say, “I’m going to die of hunger” or “I’m going to die of hardship.” According to an acquaintance who is taking antidepressant medications, people with depression seriously think about 'I'm going to die'.

There is an article floating around in the community. The title is slightly different, but it is a story about a person who goes to die on Mt. Jirisan.

 

the content below Kleinbrought from

 

 

A few years ago, I paid off a debt of about 1200 million won, but I owed 2 million won on the road and had no job.

There was a time when I thought about dying because it was so strange to be cut off from university.

 

Because I was living alone without a dog in a single room at the time.

The moment I made up my mind that I had to die, everything was easy. First, I cleaned the house.

even format the computer

I bought a 100 liter garbage bag and put everything I wanted to never see the rest of when I died and threw it away.

Now that I'm about to die, I hate to be found dead in a semi-basement single room like this.

I don't want to see anyone retrieving my body...

So no one can find my body, so I thought I'd jump off the mountain

 

 

At that time, I cut off all contact with my family and if I died alive, I had no one to look for for a long time.

I have friends, but I'm not the type to keep in touch.

They were friends who said the same thing even if they lost contact.

So I just thought I'd die so I couldn't find it at all.

At that time, my total fortune was Rs.

 

 

With that money, the latest time at the terminal on the day

I booked an express bus bound for Baekmu-dong, which departs at 12 a.m. and arrives at 3 a.m.

It was a bus going to Mt. Jirisan.

 

It happened when I fell from Mt. Jirisan and died.

I bought a ticket at the terminal and got on the bus.

I'm going to get confused here.

 

 

 

Even on weekdays, there are a lot of people who go hiking, so the bus is almost full.

I thought I was going to ride alone because it was an early morning bus.

 

I'm going to die, and I started out for Mt. Jirisan in a bus with a traveler.

What were you thinking on the express bus at dawn and going down to Baekmu-dong?

I can't remember exactly now

Maybe where did my life go wrong? I must have been thinking

 

 

 

 

The bus arrived at Baekmu-dong a little past 3 in the morning.

The hikers who were on the bus were scattered to their respective accommodations near the bus stop.

I started walking on the road to Jirisan at that dark dawn

 

After a short walk, the mountain road began.

When I was walking on the paved road, I could see ahead, but when I went into the mountains, it was all black and I couldn't even see my feet.

Go back now, then I can't go because I'm afraid...

At that time, I completely lost my fearful head because of the thought of dying.

If you die in the shallows, you'll find them easily, so I thought I'd die deep before sunrise.

 

 

 

 

I continued to climb the mountain path slowly.

I had no idea at the time, so I didn't know that an old couple was coming up behind me.

He was wearing a lantern on his head, probably because he was climbing early in the morning.

Were you very surprised when you saw me in the dark as you climbed up?

the old woman screamed

I thought you saw a ghost

old woman grabbing the heart

“Did you come here at this hour, student? How do you get up here without a lantern? Are you here alone?” do

You said a lot to me

 

Because I'm here to die, all these concerns are annoying, annoying, uncomfortable...

I just thought it would be nice if the old couple could go their own way

 

 

 

 

My worried aunt told me to go together until sunrise, so I said it was okay.

Then, next to her, my husband took off the lantern he was wearing and gave it to me.

If you don't have a lantern, you're in trouble, so you can use this and go.

 

Up to this point, I was very uncomfortable, annoyed, and hated this favor.

 

I was on my way to die, but I felt like I was made a witness for nothing, and I felt like I was being bothered and being interfered with.

I said it was okay because I can see in front of you..

 

 

 

 

Still, he dared to hold it in my hand and tell me to be careful while walking.

I went first to see if I was uncomfortable.

I climbed the mountain again with only a lantern in my hand.

The old couple who went before seemed to turn to me often.

I never turned on the lantern

But I couldn't throw it away, I just held it in my hand

 

 

 

 

Was it about 2 hours?

The sun was getting a little brighter and I was starting to see a little bit ahead.

 

I kept walking without even knowing it was difficult. Slowly, I had to find a suitable place.

As I looked around the uninhabited road, I saw a sign that said that there were only a few shelters with lodging and meals left.

It went higher than I thought.

I thought I should go somewhere other than the shelter and turned around.

It must have been that the road was known to those who had been hiking for a long time as a shortcut to a shelter and fervor.

 

 

 

 

It was very steep, steep, and dangerous as it was a shortcut.

I didn't know that it was a shortcut, so I just thought that it was a rough road because no one was going.

I didn't have a place to die yet, so I kept walking and arrived at the shelter.

At that time, I was in a second panic. It was around 2 am and the shelter was full of people.

People who cook ramen, people who brush their face...

I sat down on a rock and rested for a moment in the overwhelming feeling of frustration and disappointment.

There were people everywhere on this mountain

It's not even a weekend.

No matter where I die or how I die, I was really afraid of dying, so I thought that maybe I was just walking with people as an excuse.

 

 

 

I have to die, I have to die, I have to end it, I woke up thinking about it again

I have the courage to die

As I was walking up the mountain again, three aunts who had just come out of the shelter saw me and talked to me.

“Student, did you come all the way here? Are you here alone?”

I came to die, so I just had a short-sleeved t-shirt, black pants, and sneakers.

 

 

 

I didn't have a hiking bag, I didn't have a stick, and I didn't even have a bucket of water in my ankle socks.

Wasn't my mogol the kind of man who climbed a mountain?

How did the aunts get here? They just said that they liked it because they were young.

I… Yes… It was annoying and annoying and I didn't like it.

 

At that time, an aunt opened the bag and gave me new unopened hiking socks and 500ml of water.

If you go up wearing socks like that, your toenails will all fall out and your feet will hurt...

As for water, there is no mineral spring here, so drink this...

 

 

 

I said okay again

But the hand holding the lantern is forcibly holding a sock and a water bottle.

I must have climbed up empty-handed, but I already have lanterns, socks, and water on my hands.

Another lady even gave me a chocolate bar and a margarita cookie.

 

"My daughter-in-law tells me to go hiking for a hundred days, but she doesn't follow me, but it's amazing that she comes alone."

You say the same thing... It's strange, the world...

 

 

 

I started walking again with a lot of things in my hands.

I still wanted to die, but the day was bright and it was seven o'clock in the morning

Now, there were people on every mountain road I walked.

But every time they meet all the hikers

"Hello? Have a safe walk.” They exchange greetings like

 

 

 

 

Even if I didn't make eye contact on purpose, people greeted me with a smile telling me to walk safely.

Some say that the summit is not far away, so be strong.

It was a nice day today, so I even talked to myself that if I went to the summit, it would be a superb view.

I couldn't die

Maybe it was because I kept seeing people, it was because the sun was rising, I couldn’t die

 

 

 

Finally made it to the top

Following the hikers, I climbed to the top of Mt. Jirisan. I wanted to die, but I didn't want to die.

The top of Cheonwangbong was beautiful.

it was really beautiful

 

As if it wasn't real.

I sat quietly on a stone and looked at the ridges and clouds of the mountains below.

I stared at you endlessly

 

 

 

At that time, a middle-aged uncle and aunt who had been climbing in groups of ten people asked if they could take a picture of me.

I was immersed in the scenery of Cheonwangbong Peak, but I decided to take a picture without being annoyed or bothered.

When I took all the pictures and gave you my cell phone, an aunt gave me

 

 

 

“Did the student come alone? I'll take a picture of the student and I'll take a picture for you."

I came to die, so I had my phone disconnected from the battery (when I was using the Note 4).

I was planning to throw each one away before I die.

 

I said okay

Then the aunt said it was too wasteful not to take pictures.

 

All that's left is a picture

 

 

 

I finally refused, so I didn't take a picture, but after the aunt and uncle went back...

I sat on the top for hours alone

Watching everyone go up and down

 

I looked back on my life and eventually turned on my phone and took a picture of Mt. Jirisan.

At this moment, I gave up all my heart to die.

This is the photo I took then.

I was hungry when my heart to die was gone.

I wanted to eat

I arrived at the top at 8 am, but when I tried to go down, it was 2 pm.

For that long time, I killed the courage to die looking at that scenery.

 

I decided to come down from the mountain, I decided to come down alive

I wore the hiking socks my aunt gave me.

 

 

 

But one thing...

I came here to steal all my money and die, so I didn't have the money to go home...

At the bus stop heading down from Mt. Jirisan to the terminal, I lost my mind.

I can't go home because I don't have money...

 

I'll just die...

I think I was crying. Did I sit for an hour?

 

 

 

The man in the parking lot behind the bus stop spoke to me

“Where are you going?”

I don't usually like to chat with uncles, so I would have ignored it if it was the same.

I really wanted to go home

i have to go to seoul

I frankly confessed that I didn't have enough money.

 

 

 

He was from Daejeon.

He got me in the car and went to the terminal and bought a bus ticket to Seoul.

Oh yeah… It was a very strange day

When I got my bus ticket, I said thank you for the first time that day.

Thanks to the couple who gave me the lantern, the lady at the shelter, and this uncle, I was able to go home alive.

 

 

the world is still weird

Even these days, sometimes I get angry about why the world is so mean to me and is so desperate for me.

 

But I don't have the courage to die.

I don't know if it's because he died and came back to life...

I don't know if this is a encouraging story, but for those who feel the same impulse as me who had to climb Mt. Jiri...

 

 

 

I wish I had a chance to come down a little..

 

 

 

 

I don't know if this is true or a made-up story. Even if it is a made-up story, it seems to make people who are depressed think again.

If you go to a mountain, people who hike will greet you even if you meet someone you don't know. It doesn't seem like that in the local mountains, but if you go to a bigger mountain, it is. In particular, people like the mountaineering club greet you in particular. Maybe it's because I've been to the mountains often, so I've developed my own etiquette. These days, some people say that if they recognize themselves in a regular house, they won't go any further. In the world of people, a single word can save or kill a person.

Instead of giving up on Jirisan's zenith in this lifetime, he walks the trail of Jirisan every year as a manly trip. The Jirisan Dulle-gil is not a road worth dying for, but I should say hello to the people I meet on the road and hand them some water.







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